This is a little segment I like write periodically about recent experiences that seem hard to believe. Whether funny, inspirational, despicable, stupid, or miraculous, as incredible as these short stories may seem, they are oh so true. . .
The Horny Pit bull
A nice senior age gentleman brought his pit bull in for having a right sided head tilt. He explained that despite the tilt of the head, he seemed otherwise fine. His appetite was great, energy levels fine, and his sexual appetite as strong as ever. The gentleman then proceeded to tell me how his dog has blissfully spent his life wandering about his and other farms, mating with every female dog he comes in contact with - often multiple times per day. He then asked, "So what do you think happened to him, Doc, did he just screw his brains out?"
The World's Cheapest Cat Owner
A lady called about a cat that she had adopted 4 years ago that she had never gotten around to getting spayed. The discharge from the cat's most recent heat cycle seemed to have a milky component to it this time, plus it was persisting for much longer than typical. My receptionist explained to her that this could be the result of a abnormal hormonal cycle, but it could also be the result of a dangerous uterine disease called pyometra. The client then asked, "If the doctor examines the cat and finds that it is just a heat cycle, I don't have to pay for the visit, right?" My receptionist explained to her that it is my time she is paying for and that she will be assessed an exam fee regardless of the ultimate diagnosis.
The lady brought the cat in, and after I examined the patient and took an x-ray, I determined that there is a good chance that the cat had pyometra, and that we should proceed with surgery ASAP. I explained that prognosis is good if I can removed the uterus without spillage of uterine contents, a circumstance that is dependent on the severity of the disease. However, if there is spillage or rupture, then the prognosis is very guarded. The lady then asked, "Okay, there is spillage she ends up dying, I don't have to pay for the surgery, right?" To this I explained, that whether she live or dies, O/R time will have been booked, anesthesia, fluids and drugs will have been administered, and my time will have been dedicated to working on her pet. I told her that, while I expect the cat to live, in the less likely event that she did not, she will be responsible for her bill nonetheless.
Well, the surgery went fine with no spillage. However, I like to keep pyometra patients for 2-3 days on IV fluid an antibiotics to flush out toxins and control bacteria that may have contaminated the surgery on a microscopic level. This gives the patient the best odds of survival, and well as decrease complications. Already having fully known that this is the method by which pyometra surgeries proceed, not wanting to pay for the hospitalization, the owner changed her mind right after surgery, and demanded that we release the cat in her care.
Luckily, the cat survived with no complications.
Check His Teeth???
A cat who is notoriously a VERY fractious patient in the office came in for bloodwork to monitor his thyroid due to a long history of hyperthyroidism. Following the typical hissing, growling, swatting, biting, urinating, defecating ordeal that requires three technicians to successfully obtain blood from this patient, they quickly got the patient back into his carrier, barely escaping with their fingers intact. The owner who has witnessed all of this, as well as a long history of this kind of behavior from her cat, with all seriousness asked, "Oh, I forgot, his breath is stinky these days, will you pull him back out and check his teeth." I answered, "You must be joking."
Roger L. Welton, DVM